Brothers Lost
by Sly as a Fawkes
Summary: What else can you do when you lose your brother?


**Disclaimer: Any characters, situations, events, etc. below that you recognize belong to J.K. Rowling. If only I were cool enough to have come up with them first...**

* * *

Sirius Black always loved Regulus.

For all of his faults (whiny, a follower, unassertive), Sirius loved that kid.

He could remember the first time he saw his little brother. Pink, squashed face, and wrinkly, Sirius could remember the feeling of awe that filled him as he was gingerly handed the bundle of blankets to hold, accompanied by a stern warning from his mother and father to "Be careful!"

* * *

Sirius Black always loved James.

Not like _that._ No, he loved James like a brother. Even though James could be slightly arrogant at times and had a weird obsession with that annoying red head, Sirius loved that boy.

He could remember the first time he met James. Sirius was just a nervous 11 year old, sitting alone in a compartment that felt huge and cold. Bellatrix had told him to go away and find someone his own age (just not a disgusting Mudblood...), but Sirius hadn't known anyone to sit with. Suddenly, the compartment door slid open and a skinny kid with glasses that had slid down his nose and hair that looked like it had wrestled a tornado and lost walked in. He asked if he could sit down, because most other compartments were full, and Sirius nodded. Suddenly, the compartment felt warmer and not so big. They started a conversation, and it took all of 3 minutes for him to realize that this kid was going to be his best friend.

* * *

Sirius Black couldn't pinpoint when things started to change.

Sure, he always knew that Regulus and he never quite saw eye to eye on some things. Sirius could see that Regulus would listen to what his parents said as though it was the word of God, while Sirius found transparencies in what they told them.

But suddenly, when Regulus joined his brother at Hogwarts, the things that they never saw eye to eye on began to meld into a chasm with the boys on either side. A chasm with lava at the bottom, and no bridge across.

Sirius watched as Regulus made friends with the people that Sirius truly hated. People that Sirius knew could persuade whiny, following, unassertive Regulus to do things that Sirius didn't want him doing.

(It wasn't until when all things were said and done that Sirius realized there might have been a bridge across the chasm. Too bad both of them were too proud and stubborn to look for it, let alone cross it.)

* * *

Sirius Black couldn't pinpoint when things started to change.

Sure, he always knew that James had an infatuation with Lily that Sirius, quite frankly, deemed unhealthy. (Well, maybe James didn't ALWAYS have an infatuation, but it sure did seem like it.)

But suddenly, in seventh year, the year that the four of them (especially Sirius and James because they were the closest) were supposed to be living it up, James was opting to spend time instead with his girlfriend.

Sirius watched as James and Lily ate meals together, went for walks around the lake together, held hands and whispered secrets together. Sirius remembered when it would be him and James doing things together, but James had found someone new. Sirius tried to search for any reason to dislike Lily: she was a know-it-all, she got them in trouble, she was a girl. Any reason would work, because it was just too difficult for Sirius to admit, even to himself, that the reason he did not like her was simply because it felt like she was taking James away from him.

(It wasn't until afterwards that Sirius realized how good Lily truly was, and how perfect she was for James. Of course, like many important realizations, it came too late.)

* * *

The moment Sirius Black found out Regulus was dead, he did not cry.

Instead, he stared at the letter held limply in his hands for a moment, before it fell to the floor.

A thousand regrets coursed through his mind. Sirius thought about how he had never flown around the world with his brother, like they promised they would do when Sirius was five. How he had never congratulated Regulus for passing his Potions O.W.L., because Regulus had never had an easy time with potions and had worried about that test for weeks. How he had never clapped Regulus on the back after he had won a Quidditch match for his team.

How he had never told Regulus how much he really loved him.

It was only then that Sirius began to cry. Because what else can you do when you lose your brother?

* * *

The moment Sirius Black found out James was dead, he did not cry.

Instead, he stared at the ruins that had once been a lovely house, before his knees gave out and he fell to the ground.

The regrets came once more. Sirius thought about how he had never truly congratulated James for finally getting the girl. How he had never went with James to do that 'karaoke' thing that they had both wanted to do. How he had never stopped Voldemort from making James worry about the safety of his son.

How he never told James how much he really loved him.

At that moment, Sirius began to cry. Because what else can you do when you lose your brother?


End file.
